Friday, May 19, 2006

So, as Julie says, today is a day of suck. My stepfather passed away today around 1pm. I haven't written about him here in the blog all that much lately simply because I've been busy as hell running between nursing home and hospital, doing the NaPo thing, cleaning out the basement from hell...(sigh)

So, here we go again, and only 6 months and 10 days since mom passed away, too. I'm very sad, but I'm not upset - if that makes sense? I feel mostly relieved because his suffering is over now, and he's finally at peace. We were taking it day by day anyway, knowing he was going to go at any time. And what kind of life did he have anyway? It's funny, too, because he's been quite lucid this past week - you'd never know he had advanced dementia at all. We've actually had meaningful conversations that lasted for quite awhile. But I suppose that's just how dementia is. Still, I'm grateful he came back to us for a little while as the pops he used to be.

So, that's about it for today. I'm pressed for time (my life story lately) because we have to go make arrangements and phone calls, which I'm dreading. It has to be done, but this is what will probably get me all upset emotionally. (sigh again) I'm only here because I have a little time and was checking my email and well, wanted to keep myself occupied for a bit. For me, dwelling on things like this is like eating poison. It's best to keep busy.

So, now my new motto will be: Have you talked to your parents today? Just do it.

8 Comments:

Blogger vmh said...

Cookala: I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Vicky

6:27 PM  
Blogger Annie said...

Ahh cookie.

You'll be in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself.

Hugs, Annie

9:21 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

Cookie, so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are for you and your family.

2:26 AM  
Blogger David said...

Cookala, I'm sorry for your loss. You are un my thoughts as well.

David

2:32 AM  
Blogger Hedgie said...

Sorry for your loss, too. Hopefully, things will begin looking up now.

6:34 AM  
Blogger Cookala said...

Hi, you guys are the best. THanks so much for your caring and support. I 'll be back shortly. and yes, Hedgie, I'm really hoping this will be the end of my sorrows. I've had enough of death for a loooooong time. IF I've learned anything from all this, it's how tentative and precious life really is, and what matters the most in this life are the people you have around you. lots of hugs to you all.
love,
Cookie

2:02 PM  
Blogger Scavella said...

Ay, damn, Cookie. It's a different loss from your mother's but it's still a loss -- a loss of a whole era or part of your life, no matter what the past.

It puts me in mind of Howard's little poem, here.

10:17 AM  
Blogger Cookala said...

Hi, Scavella, and thank you. I really appreciate your support and caring. It means more than you know.

When I read Hedgie's poem it became very personal to me, because of losing mom, and now pops, and I thought he might've written it while thinking about losing his own mom some time ago.

And you're right, this is the end of an era for me, too. I'm hoping for new beginnings now. Good ones. I can do without any more loss for long, long while, I think.

4:27 PM  

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